Posh Spice's DriverA Tour of the MorgueScousers on Trains
Posh Spice's Driver
A Tour of the Morgue
Scousers on Trains
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Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow ran in front of the car.
The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't -the cow was killed. Posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.
About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily.
"What happened?" asked Posh. "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh. The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just killed the cow."
A medical student was taken on his first tour of the morgue. The morguer (for that is what they call people who run morgs, perhaps) opened the first drawer and in it was an Englishman.
"He looks very happy" said the medic, noticing the smile on the corpse's face."Well, he died on the job; a happy man" explained the morguer.
They moved on to the second drawer, which was opened to reveal a Scotsman with a big smile."Now there's a happy looking corpse." said the medic "what good fortune befell this man at the hour of his untimely death?" "Well," replied the morguer "this poor chap fell into a vat of whiskey and thus died a happy man"
They moved predictably on to the third drawer which contained an American with the biggest inane grin spread wide across his fizog "What happened to this chap?" asked the medic, "he looks like he was ecstatic when he died""He was struck by lightening" replied the morguer "So why the big grin? "When he saw the flash he thought someone was taking his picture"
Three Scousers and three Mancs are travelling by train to a football Match in London
At the station, the three Mancs each buy a ticket and watch as the three Scousers buy just one ticket between them.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Mancs.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the Scousers. They all board the train. The Mancs take their respective seats but all three Scousers cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor arrives to collect the tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Mancs are mightily impressed by this, so after the game, they decide to copy the Scousers on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip...To their astonishment, the Scousers don't buy a ticket at all !!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Mancunian. Watch and learn..." says one Scouser.
When they board the train the three Mancs cram into a toilet and soon after the three Scousers pile into another nearby.
The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Scousers leaves the toilet and sneaks across to the toilet where the Mancs are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please..."