Why did the chicken cross the road?
Americans Annoyed By 'All This International Shit' On Internet
Dear China
Curry Song
Likable Wilma
Pseudodoxia Epidemica
Proust's recipe for scrambled egg
City Day Of Action
Chatroom of the week
Xena; or, The Warrior Princess
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PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough
for us.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
KEN STARR
I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of
the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract
law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal
wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up.
As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's
ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the
rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken
unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our
investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach
the other side of the road until our investigation and any
Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We
also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information
to the Rev.Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an
effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer,
or at least to ruffle his feathers.)
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens
have to cross before you believe it?
FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath
the chicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.
What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken please?
LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken
crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and
there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
Web's Increasingly Worldly Flavor Threatens Americans' Worldview
PULLMAN, WASH. (SatireWire.com) The profusion of international news available on the Internet has made it increasingly difficult for the average American to ignore the rest of the world, a trend researchers say threatens Americans' long, proud history of disregarding anything not about them.
"With all the foreign newspapers and multi-cultural sites, the Internet is making it almost impossible for the average American to remain uninformed and apathetic," said Samantha Lessborn of Washington State University, which conducted the survey. "Americans can still do it. But it now takes effort, whereas before it was as easy as turning off Tom Brokaw whenever he said 'In South Korea today...'"
According to survey participant Danny Grisham, a 22-year-old from Cheyenne, Wyoming, it's not just the plethora of international news on the Web that is irritating. "Look, I can get around the news. I just turn off Reuters headlines in MyYahoo," he said. "But even some of the search sites like Yahoo and Alta Vista are available in different languages. Like everybody in the world doesn't speak English. Yeah, right."
"I can see where it's important if we're, like, beating some country in the Olympics or bombing them or, ideally, both," Grisham added. "But if some Colombian drug lord sinks a ferry full of Israeli soldiers in North Latvoania or Serbo-Malaysia, or wherever, and Americans aren't involved, what has that got to do with me?"
Other respondents said they were appalled, not just by the availability of non-U.S. news, but by the way important U.S. news is reported by some of these foreign sites. "Yesterday, for instance, the St. Louis Rams beat the Atlanta Falcons, OK, and I go to the London Times site and it's not even there," said Chip Pernadge of Kansas City, Mo. "Jesus, no wonder those guys lost the war and had to give Hong Kong back to Canada."
Sensing a market opportunity, NetNanny, makers of NetNanny filtering software, announced this week it will introduce NetNarrow, an English-only product that automatically filters out content that appears to be international. Specifically, the software looks for world datelines and keywords indicative of irrelevant foreign stories, including "Shiite," "post-Apartheid," and "Bob Geldof."
Survey-taker Craig Barker of Brooklyn, New York, said he will be among the first to get NetNarrow. "On the Web, there are so many ways to get news from so many different places, I could really get some fresh insights into what's going on in other countries if I wanted to," he said.. "But I don't want to."
"You'd think these Internet people would know that," Barker added. "I mean, that's why the Internet is called America Online, right? It's supposed to be about America."
SatireWire.com
We're sorry that you don't train your fighter pilots better. As a token of our sympathy, here's a copy of Microsoft Flight Simulator 2000.
We're sorry that your front-line fighter planes can't outmaneuver a 35 year old prop-driven airliner. Perhaps you'd like to consider purchasing some surplus 1950's era Lockheed Starfighters from Taiwan. (Who just replaced all theirs with shiny new F-16's)
We're sorry that you believe your territorial waters extend all the way to Australia. For future reference, here's an American 6th grade geography textbook. (Please take note of the Copyright information printed inside the cover.)
We're sorry that you can't seem to see your part of this incident. We know that it may seem easier to blame others than to take responsibility. Consider this while we build several new Aegis destroyers for our friends in the Republic of China (Taiwan).
We're especially sorry for treating you with such respect for the last 20 years. We'll definitely rethink this policy, and will probably go back to treating you like a common untrustworthy street gang very soon.
We're very sorry for ever granting you Most-Favored-Nation trading status. This will be rectified at the soonest possible opportunity.
Sincerely,
The United States of America
Refers to the April 1 2001 collision of a U.S. Navy EP-3E spy plane and a Chinese fighter jet over the South China Sea.
All together now....
(To be sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody)
Is this a Bhuna?
Or is this a Jalfrezi?
Mixed up my order,
They all look the same to me
Open your gob,
Just swallow a forkful and see.
I'm just a student,
Need something real cheap to eat
Because I'm stoney broke
Not a bean
Don't remember
The menu I've seen
Korma, Saag or Madras
Doesn't really matter to me
To me...
Naan-aa, just killed a man
Poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle, now he's dead.
Naan-aa, dinner just begun
But now I'm going to crap it all away. Naan-aa, ooh-ooh
Didn't mean to make you cry,
Seen nothin' yet just see the loo tomorrow, Curry on, Curry on,
'cause nothing really madras.
Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers up my spine
Rectum aching all the time.
Goodbye every bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use loo. Naan-aa, ooh ooh,
This Dopiaza's mild,
Sometimes wish we'd never come here at all. I see a little chicken
tikka on the side, Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh
pass the chutney made of mango.
Vindaloo does nicely
Very very spicey
ME!
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani (Biryani)
Biryani and a naan
O Vindaloooooooo
(No no no no no non o no no No)
I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to a lavatory Stand well back
This loo's quarantined.
Here it comes,
There it goes, technicolor yawn
I chudder
No!
It's coming up again
(There he goes)
I chunder
It's coming up again
(There he goes)
I chunder
It's coming up again
Up again
Here it comes again
Here it comes again
Here it comes again
Here it comes again
This vindaloo is about to wreck my guts Poor me... Poor me... Poor me!
So you think you can chunder and think it's alright? So you think you can eat curry and drink all night? Ohh maybe, now you'll puke like a baby,
Just had to come out,
Just had to come right out in here.... Korma, saag or bhuna,
Balti, naan or bhaji
Nothing makes a difference to me
To me
Anyway my wind blows
Poem based on 'Tiger Tiger' by William Blake, and inspired by an anagram of his name - Likable Wilma
Wilma, Wilma, in thy blouse,
Red-haired prehistoric spouse,
What immortal animator
Was thy slender waist's creator?
When the Rubble clan moved in,
Was Betty jealous of thy skin,
Thy noble nose, thy dimpled knee?
Did he who penciled Fred draw thee?
Wilma, Wilma, burning bright, ye
Cartoon goddess Aphrodite,
Was it Hanna or Barbera
Made thee hot as some caldera?
by Francis Heaney
Pseudodoxia Epidemica:
OR, ENQUIRIES Into very many Received Tenents And commonly presumed Truths.
By Thomas Brown Knight, M. D. AD 1646
The Third Book: Of divers popular and received Tenents concerning Animals, which examined, prove either false or dubious
Chapter Z: Of the Welsh Rabbit
The common opinion of the Welsh Rabbit conceits that it is a species of Cuniculus indigenous unto Wales; of which Assertion, if Prescription of time and Numerosity of assertors were a sufficient Demonstration, we might sit down herein as an orthodoxial Truth, nor should there need ulterior Disquisition. Pliny discourseth of it under the Head of De Animalibus Wallię. Seneca describeth it as an exosseous Animal, or one of the invertebrated or boneless kinde. Claudian saith that it delighteth to burrow underground in Coal Holes and Cyder Cellars. Scaliger affirmeth it to be like to the Hyęna, incapable of Domitation or taming, for the cause that he never heard of one being domesticated in a Hutch. Sarenus Sammonicus determineth it to be like unto the Salamander, moist in the third degre, and to have a mucous Humidity above and under the Epidermis or outer skin, by virtue whereof it endureth the Fire for a time. Nor are such conceits held by Humane authors only, for the holy Fathers of the Church have likewise similarly opinionated. Austin declareth it to be an unclean Animal; insomuch that like to the Polecat it is Graveolent, emitting a strong Murine or Micy Effluvium. Beda averreth that it is Noctiparent, as the Bat or Owl, and seldom quitteth its Warrene until Midnight, for food; for the reason being that being Coecigneous, or possessing no organs of Vision, it loveth Tenebrosity.
All which notwithstanding, upon strict inquiry, we find the Matter controvertible. Diodorus, in his Eleventh Book, affirmeth the Welsh Rabbit to be a creature of Figment, like unto the Sphinx and Snap-Dragon. Mathiolus, in his Comment on Dioscorides, treateth it not as an Animal, but as a Lark. Sextius, a Physitian, sayeth that having well digested the matter, he was compulsed to reject it; whilest Salmuth the Commentator of Pancirollus, averreth that one Podocaterus, a Cyprian, kept one for Months in a Cage, without ever having attained the sight of the remotest Manifestation of Vitality.
Now, besides Authority against it, Experience doth in no way confirm the existence of the Welsh Rabbit as an Animant Entity. But, contrariwise, the principles of Sense and Reason conspire to asseverate it to be, like unto the Myths of Paganism, an Inanimate Body, vivificated by the Ignoration and Superstitiosity of Men. For had they but inquired into the Etymon, or true meaning of the name of the Entity in question, they would have experienced that it was originally merely a Synonyme for a British Dainty, or Cymric Scitamentum; insomuch as it was primitively appellated, The Welsh Tid, or Rare-Bit; which by elision becoming Metamorphosed into Ra'bit, was, from its Homophony, vulgarly supposed to have respect to the Cuniculus rather than to the Scitamentum of Wales.
Againe, the Doctrine of the Existency of the Welsh Rabbit as a Vivous Entity doth in nowise accord with the three definitive Confirmators and Tests of things dubious: to wit, Experiment, Analysis, and Synthesis. And first by Experiment. For if we send to Wales for one of the Rabbits vernacular to the Prinicpality, we shall discriminate on the attainment of it, no Difformity in its Organism from that of the Cuniculi vulgar to other Countryes. And if we then proceed to discoriate and exossate the Animal thus attained, or to deprive it of both its Skin and Bones, and after to macerate the residuary Muscular Fibre into a papparious Pulp, we shall experience, upon diffusing the same on an Offula tosta or thin slice of toast, that so far from the concoction partaking in the least of the delectable Sapor of the Welsh Scitamentum, it will in no way titillate the lingual Papillę; but, contrariwise, offer inordinate Offence to the Gust.
And, secondly, by Analysis. If, in the stead of sending to Wales, we betake ourselves to any Hostelrie or place of Coenatory Resort, vicine to Covent Garden (whereanent they be celebrious for the concoction of such like Comestibles, for the Deipnophagi or eater of Suppers), and thence provide ourselves with one of the Welsh Rarebits or Scitamenta, whereof we are treating, we shall discriminate upon the Dissolution or Discerption of its Part, that it consisteth not of any Carnal Substance, but simply of a Superstratum of some flavous and adipose Edible, which, to the Sense of Vision, seemeth like unto the Unguent denominated Basilicon, or the Emplastrum appellated Diachylon; whilest to the Sense of Olfaction it beareth an Odour that hath an inviting Caseous or Cheesy Fragor, and fulfilleth all the conditions and Prędicaments of caseous matter or Cheese, which hath undergone the process of Torrefaction; whereof, indeed, if we submit a portion to the Test of Gust, we shall, from the peculiar Sapor appertinent thereto, without Dubitation determine it to consist.
And thirdly and lastly, by Synthesis. If we provide ourselves with about a Selibra or half pound of the Cheese, entitulated Duplex Glocestrius, or Double Gloucester; and then go on to cut the intrinsic caseous Matter into tenuous Segments or Laminę; and, positing such Segments within the coquinary commodity distinguished by Culinarians as the Furnus Batavię or Dutch Oven, submit the same to the Fire, until by the action of the Caloric they become mollified unto Semiliquidity: whereupon, if we diffuse the caseous fluid on an Offula of Bread, the Superfices whereof hath been previously torrefied, and then Season the same with a slight aspersion of the Sinapine, Piperine, and Saline Condiments, or with Mustard, Pepper, and Salt, we shall find that the Sapor and Fragor thereof differ in no wise from the Gust and Odour of the Edible we had prę-attained from the Covent Garden Coenatorium; and consequentially that the Welsh Rabbit is not, as the Vulgar Pseudodox conceiteth, a species of Cuniculus vernacular to Wales, but as was before predicated, simply a Savoury and Redolent Scitamentum or Rarebit, which is much existimated by the Cymri or Welsh people, who, from time prętermemorial, have been cognized as a Philocaseous or Cheese-loving Nation.
Take three fresh eggs and break into a bowl. I always enjoy the light fluffiness of scrambled egg on a Sunday morning, and I am reminded of those hot summer mornings when mother would allow me to walk down the lane with cook to collect eggs from the grey house on the corner. Mr Toulon was a retired soldier and had lost a leg in battle, so he hobbled around the chicken yard on a stout wooden crutch with rather ragged and greasy padding. He had a distinct smell which I remember to this day. It was in a way unpleasant but had that hint of excitement which I felt was somehow due to his time a soldier. Sometimes he would place the eggs in cooks basket, but if we were early he would let us walk around and find the eggs for ourselves. This gathering of the eggs was always exciting for me and built up the anticipation of the heavenly concoction which cook would then prepare for mother and me, and we would enjoy in silence with tiny pieces of fresh crusty bread.
Whip up the eggs in the bowl and measure out a quarter pint of milk. If I was not at school and out of bed early enough, I could be downstairs and waiting at the back door for the milk girl to arrive. She was always very kind to me, and although she was of common stock she would always greet me with a smile and a wink, as if we had some special secret between us that no one else in the household knew. I would help her carry the pail of milk through to the kitchen, and she would stop there for a few minutes and chat to cook. If I was lucky, mother would come in, and taking a small spoon from the heavy pine drawer, she would scoop some of the cream from the top of the milk, and would reach down and place it gently in my mouth. I would slowly take the cream, enjoying the smooth texture and the rich warming taste of this delicacy.......
Part 2 next week
See also "Making Toast" volumes 1-3.
INTERNATIONAL CITY DAY OF ACTION, 4 MAY, 2001
Next Friday will be the International City Day of Action. On this day, we ask you all to don your finest pinstripe, apply your monocles, glue mobile phone to ear and then head off down to Brighton to disrupt as many dreadlocked men and women with dogs on string as possible.
Plan of action:
Police advice, at present, to the men with dogs on string is:
Welcome to the NewsRoom, the UK's premier online current affairs forum!
>connecting to server...
Current Host: Chris1
Current Topic: With the Conservative Party predicted to fare poorly in the upcoming election, there is fresh speculation that William Hague will be replaced by Michael Portillo, as part of a deal struck with former chancellor Ken Clarke. Who is the best man to lead the Conservative Party, Hague, Portillo, or even Clarke? What do you think?
Host_Chris1: then the flight was delayed so I didn't get in until late last night. Still it's great to be back, tanned and rested and ready to go!
LadeezMan: I took the door panel off but the wiring looks OK. maybe its the servo
Bronco: is the window stuck up or down
Host_Chris1: I haven't even had a chance to look at a newspaper, I'm afraid, so you'll all have to fill me in on what I missed!
LadeezMan: it stuck about halfway
MelJ: now ricks in prison, I just have to get on with my life. Like in birds of a feather
Bronco: take the switch off another door and see if that works
Host_Chris1: how about foot and mouth, what's happening there?
LadeezMan: OK hang on
LadeezMan has left the Newsroom
MelJ: im gonna wash that rick right out of my har
Host_Chris1: Bronco? Foot and mouth still making the headlines?
heyguysitsme has entered the NewsRoom
Bronco: no havent heard much lately. I think its all sorted out.
MelJ: no more men for me. Ive learned my lesson
Host_Chris1: Anything else big happen while I was at Hedonism II?
heyguysitsme: hi
Bronco: not a lot. lets see. michael barrymore got shot, elton john went to jail & pashmina got banned from the site
LadeezMan has entered the NewsRoom
Host_Chris1: Pashmina banned? I don't believe it
LadeezMan: weird. now the window goes down when I push up & up and when I push down
heyguysitsme: hi LadeezMan
Bronco: problem solved
LadeezMan: heyguysitsme, what your a,s,l?
MelJ: men who needs them
heyguysitsme: 31, f, cheshire
Host_Chris1: heyguysitsme, what do you think about Hague's chances in the upcoming election?
Footlong has entered the NewsRoom
heyguysitsme: what election
Footlong: is this asian sluts
MelJ: footlong! rick is that u???
Host_Chris1: heyguysitsme, u r Pashmina, rn't u
Footlong: no
heyguysitsme: depends. am I still banned
MelJ: footlong I am an asian slut. how about a private chat
Host_Chris1: not while I'm in charge, Pashmina
Footlong has left the NewsRoom
MelJ: (sighs!) O well plenty more fish in the sea. thats what rick always said
heyguysitsme: thank u Chris1. xxxxx
LadeezMan: aww www...now somebody help me fix my (FILTERED) window.
>connection to server has been terminated...
Tim Dowling
Thursday April 19, 2001
The Guardian
Xena; or, The Warrior Princess
by Kevin Wald
Greetings. A while back, Democratus attempted to bring some "high culture" to the Xena parody genre, with his wonderful production of Romeo and Xena. In a similar spirit, I now present an excerpt from Gilbert and Sullivan's little-known operetta, Xena; or, The Warrior Princess. (This excerpt is from an annotated edition; please don't let the occasional scholarly footnotes, in the form of bracketed numbers, interfere with your enjoyment of Gilbert's unique lyrical style.)
Sincerely,
Lollius (a newcomer to these parts)
[We join our operetta already in progress. The infamous Pirates of Pergamum have just seized a bevy of beautiful Mytilenean maidens, and are attempting to carry them off for matrimonial purposes. Gabrielle intervenes, with a recitative (well, it's better than a pan flute solo):]
Gabrielle:
Hold, scoundrels! Ere ye practice acts of villainy
Upon the peaceful and agrarian,
Just bear in mind, these maidens of My-TIL-ene[1]
Are guarded by a buff barbarian!
Pirates:
We'd better all rethink our cunning plan;
They're guarded by a buff barbarian.
Maidens:
Yes, yes, she is a buff barbarian.
[Xena leaps in from the wings, with a tremendous war cry, does a mid-air somersault, and lands on her feet on the Pirate King's chest.]
Xena:
Yes, yes, I am a buff barbarian!
[The orchestra starts up.]
I am the very model of a heroine barbarian;
Through Herculean efforts, I've become humanitarian.
I ride throughout the hinterland -- at least that's what they call it in
Those sissy towns like Athens (I, myself, am Amphipolitan).
I travel with a poet who is perky and parthenian[2]
And scribbles her hexameters in Linear Mycenian[3]
(And many have attempted, by a host of methods mystical,
To tell if our relationship's sororal or sapphistical).
Chorus:
To tell if their relationship's sororal or sapphistical!
To tell if their relationship's sororal or sapphistical!
To tell if their relationship's sororal or sapphisti-phistical!
Xena:
My armory is brazen, but my weapons are ironical;
My sword is rather phallic, but my chakram's rather yonical[4]
(To find out what that means, you'll have to study Indo-Aryan[5]).
I am the very model of a heroine barbarian!
Chorus:
To find out what that means, we'll have to study Indo-Aryan --
She is the very model of a heroine barbarian!
Xena:
I wake up every morning, ere the dawn is rhododactylous[6]
(Who needs to wait for daylight? I just work by _sensus tactilis_[7].)
And ride into the sunrise to protect some local villagers
From mythologic monsters or from all-too-human pillagers.
I hurtle towards each villain with a recklessness ebullient
And cow him with my swordwork and my alalaes ululient[8];
He's frightened for his head, because he knows I'm gonna whack it -- he's
Aware that his opponent is the Basileia Makhetes!
[The music crashes to a halt, as the Chorus stares at Xena in utter confusion. She sighs.]
It's *Greek*. It means "Warrior Princess"!
[Light dawns on the Chorus, and the music resumes.]
Sheesh . . .
Chorus:
He knows that his opponent is the Basileia Makhetes!
He knows that his opponent is the Basileia Makhetes!
He knows that his opponent is the Basileia Makhe-makhetes,
Xena:
Because I've got my armor, which is really rather silly, on
(It's cut so low I feel like I'm the topless tow'rs of Ilion,
And isn't any use against attackers sagittarian[9]).
I am the very model of a heroine barbarian!
Chorus:
It isn't any use against attackers sagittarian --
She is the very model of a heroine barbarian!
Xena:
In short, when I can tell you how I break the laws of gravity,
And why my togs expose my intermammary concavity,
And why my comrade changed her dress from one that fit more comfily
To one that shows her omphalos[10] (as cute as that of Omphale[11]),
And why the tale of Spartacus appears in Homer's versicon[12],
[She holds up a tomato:]
And where we found examples of the genus Lycopersicon[13],
And why this Grecian scenery looks more like the Antipodes,
You'll say I'm twice the heroine of any in Euripides!
Chorus:
We'll say she's twice the heroine of any in Euripides!
We'll say she's twice the heroine of any in Euripides!
We'll say she's twice the heroine of any in Euripi-ripides!
Xena:
But though the kinked chronology, confusing and chimerical
(It's often unhistorical, but rarely unhysterical),
Would give a massive heart attack to any antiquarian,
I am the very model of a heroine barbarian!
Chorus:
'Twould give a massive heart attack to any antiquarian --
She is the very model of a heroine barbarian!
[As the orchestra plays the final chords, a wild Xenaesque melee ensues, and the curtain has to be brought down.]
Notes:
1. Actually, "Mytilene" would properly be accented on the third syllable; Gabrielle always did have trouble with rhymes. (Mytilene, incidentally, is a city on the isle of Lesbos -- the hometown of the poet Sappho, as a matter of fact. It is not clear what, if anything, Gilbert is trying to imply here.)
2. parthenian: virginal.
3. Linear Mycenian: Mycenian is the ancient dialect of Greek which was written in Linear B (a form of Greek writing that predates the adoption of the alphabet). The implication is that Gabrielle does her writing in Linear B; if Xena takes place around the time of the Trojan war, this is chronologically reasonable.
4. yonical: "Yonic" is the female counterpart to "phallic".
5. Indo-Aryan: The language group consisting of Sanskrit and its close relatives. Both "chakram" and "yonic" are of Sanskrit derivation.
6. rhododactylous: rosy-fingered. (Homer makes frequent reference to rhododaktulos eos -- "rosy-fingered dawn".)
7. sensus tactilis: Latin for "the sense of touch".
8. "Alalaes" are war-cries (the Greeks spelled a Xena-like war cry as _alala_ or _alale_) and "ululient" is a coined term, apparently meaning "characterized by ululation".
9. sagittarian: archer-like.
10. omphalos: belly-button.
11. Omphale: Legendary queen of Lydia. From context, we must assume that she had a cute belly-button; however, no known classical source seems to address this vital issue.
12. versicon: a coined term, apparently meaning "collection of verse".
13. Lycopersicon: the biological genus to which tomatoes are assigned. (The tomato is a New World plant, and was entirely unknown in the Old World in pre-Columbian times. Thus, having tomatoes in a Xenaish context is an even greater anachronism than having Homer tell the tale of Spartacus.)