VocalistsQuotationsTrombonistsDrummersAfter The DrumsTrue Stories From A Working BandMusical DefinitionsA Bad MusicianMusical Terms
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Quotations
Trombonists
Drummers
After The Drums
True Stories From A Working Band
Musical Definitions
A Bad Musician
Musical Terms
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Big Joke List
Q: What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
"Wagner's music has beautiful moments but some bad quarters of an hour."
Rossini
"Richard Wagner's music is better than it sounds."
Mark Twain
Q. What do you call three Trombonists in a room?
A. A pointless.
Q. What's the difference between a trombonist and a frog?
A. The frog may be on his way to a gig.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.
Q: What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!
A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how
to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks
in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over
there and that accordian."
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have
the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".
A guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a
Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Duh, yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room
spins.
Q: How do you raise the IQ of a drummer?
A: Stand him on a chair..
A chap visits one of the Indian Ocean's more primitive islands for a break. On debarking from the seaplane one of the first things that he notices is the quaint sound of local drums in the background. For him it just reinforces the fact that he's a long way from civilisation.
However, the drums don't stop, and after two days of continuos drumming he's beginning to get annoyed - but he doesn't want to complain to anyone in case it's a native tradition and he'll give offence to whatever religion the locals believe in.
On the third day he notices that even the locals are looking nervous and he decides that in the evening he'll pluck up courage and ask the barmen what the drums mean.
So, after another day of insistent drumming he's trying to relax at the bar. The chap calls over one of the barmen and prepares to ask what the drums are all about. As he's about to ask the question the drums suddenly stop..
"The drums have stopped!" The barman blurts out - clearly terrified
"But surely, that's good?" The chaps says. "I mean the drums have been going for days."
The barman looks at him in disbelief and horror, then shakes his head.
"Now it's the bass solo..."
The drummer in one of the bands I was in was so bad at timekeeping we started to lie to him about the time rehearsals started. So if we were planning to start at 19:00, we'd tell him 18:30 to get him there on time. It worked fine but he started to slip even more so we kept on adding more time in front. Things were going great until he turned up "on time" once and spent and hour and half waiting in his car for the rest of us...
Or the drummer in another band that decided at the end of one of our gigs to dive over his drumkit in a triumphant finale to the evening. Unfortunately he was drunk and got as far as the first, er, hurdle and put his head through one of his toms (drum on rack in front of him) and took the rest of the kit with him. We laughed
Or the drummer in one of the earlier bands (when heavy metal still made the charts), who decided that it would be a good trick to attach a bag of pigs blood (from slaughterhouse ) to the under-side of one of his toms. So at the end of his drum solo he dramatically pulled a knife from his belt and stabbed the drum. Worked great. Lots of blood poured from the tom - right onto his new leather jacket that he placed in the base drum to help muffle it..
Or the frontman (singer) we kept blowing-up. We used to use a lot of pyros (flash-bombs) to add effect. Well, during a particular song our frontman - Rick - would stand at the front of the stage with his fist in the air as we hit the last chord. And our effects chap would press a small contact which ignited a pyro - right under Rick's legs two gigs running. The second time it melted Rick's white PVC trousers - we laughed. Anyway, the pair weren't exactly friends after that. Next gig the end of the song approaches and the memory of being blown up twice enters Rick's mind so he decided to jump on the front of the drum riser instead. So he stands, legs planted widely apart, fist in the air, confident smile upon his lips. And Tony presses the little contact that ignites the pyro that he's thoughtfully moved to front of the drum riser to avoid blowing Rick up. We laughed a lot this time..
Blimey, I could go on all night. I've fallen off more stages than I can count, in those days it was clumsy, now it's stage diving..
A band director named Ravelli was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, and performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."