When having a discussion as relates to general morality, it is a given
that Joe Average will eventually conclude that he is, on the whole, a
good individual since, in his words, "I'm not Hitler." Of course the
proper response to this is that you're not Hitler doesn't make you good,
it just means you're not in complete control of an industrialized nation
in Central Europe. There
are evil people all over the place, but most of them are rarely
recognized as such since they don't have opportunities like Hitler.
Let's face it, "Evil Librarian" does not have the same ring to it as
"Evil Dictator." But let's change things a little and see how certain
well-known evil individuals would act out their evil in a different
millieu. For example:
Hitler the greengrocer.
Insists on expanding the fruits and vegetables section into the
baked goods and frozen foods section. Brutally orders the
elimination of all deli meats from the rows he controls and
institutes a policy of removing all non-organic foods.
Kim Il Sung the librarian.
Refuses to order any new books, insisting that the books they
have are all the books they need and he will not show weakness
by depending on others for books. Keeps a brave face as all
the bindings start to fall apart. Threatens the university
library across the street by firing paperclips from elastic
bands.
Idi Amin the cab driver.
Boasts on what a great taxi driver he is while continually smashing
the cab into every object within sight. Humiliated when he tries
to hide a crook in his car, the crook getting snatched out the
window by a Jewish cop. Eventually leaves his cab, after ripping out
every fitting he could lay his hands on, to live a comfortable life.
Saddam Hussein the busboy.
Stamps his feet, claiming that the other busboys are ripping off
his tips. Keeps getting smacked up the side of the head by irate
customers and claims he showed them.
Pol Pot the dentist.
Finds a small bit of plaque on one bicuspid, proceeds to remove
a third of the remaining teeth.
Action Upon Encountering A Snake - The Differential Theory
Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.
Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.
Armour: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.
Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite co-ordinates to snake.
Can't find snake. returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.
Commando: Plays with snake, then eats it.
Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time-On-Target barrage
with three regiments in support. Kills several hundred civilians as
unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all
participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded service
medals.
Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all Department
of Foreign Affairs directives and Theatre Commander Rules of Engagement
by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains
it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.
Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal
thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using
counter mobility assets. Complains that manoeuvre forces don't
understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.
Navy Landing Party: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval
gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites sailors
and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which US Navy
SEALS kill religious extremist snakes.
Navy: Fires missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and
makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval
forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force
projection.
SASR: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local
civilians demand removal of all Australian Defence Force from Area of
Operations.
Combat Medics: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works
feverishly to save snake's life.
Ordnance: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)
Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers
two weeks after due date.
Macchi pilot: Misidentifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter
and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.
F/A-18 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and
misses snake target, but get direct hit on Chinese Embassy 100 Km East
of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too
overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover
etc.) Claims that purchasing multimillion dollar, high-tech snake-killing
device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a
revolution in military affairs.
AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show
well on infra-red. Infra-red only operable in desert Areas of
Operations without power lines or SAMs.
UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake
builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS 17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor
wash blows snake into fire.
F-111 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and
every other living thing within two miles of target.
Medium gun crew: Lays in target co-ordinates to snake in 20
seconds, but can't receive authorization from Melbourne Air Traffic
Control to use high-trajectory weapons.
Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35
indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the
potential for snake activity as LOW.
Legal Corps: Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of
professional courtesy.
Construction Engineers: Build pub, gut and stuff snake, mount
over bar, name pub "The Snakepit".
Petroleum Handlers: Catch snake, introduce free snake with every
full tank promotion.
Military Police: Wait for somebody else to capture snake, beat up
snake, deny responsibility.
One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home. The
kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck.
There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around.
As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on
the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the
table, and a small pile of sand by the back door. The family room was
strewn with toys and various items of clothing, and a lamp had been
knocked over.
He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He
was becoming worried that she may be ill, or that something had happened
to her.
He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a
book.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at
her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know everyday when you come home
from work and ask me what I did today?"
"Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity, in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible."
Delivered a short time later:
"That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote
the letter sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only
every other line."
A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the
husband's 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared
and said that because they had been such a loving couple all
those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've
never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over
the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the
tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and
then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years
younger than me."
To buy an American flag, you must present proof you have voted at least
once in the last three elections (yes, local and state elections count).
To display an American flag in any form, you must present proof of
voter registration.
To wave an American flag in public, you must be able to name at least
one of the following:
Your Senator
Your Representative
Your President ("George Bush" does not count; ambiguous)
To sell any product with an American flag on it, you must answer the
following question:
The Bill of Rights is part of:
the Constitution
the Magna Carta
the Declaration of Independence
Those heard singing patriotic songs in public may be asked to show
their voter registration cards.
To be permitted to scream "Nuke Afghanistan", you must be able to
correctly locate Afghanistan on a map or globe.
To be permitted to scream "Arabs go home", you must list and correctly
locate ten Arab homelands.
Those who wish to express opinions about Arabs and Arab-Americans must
pass the following test:
Those who follow the religion of Islam are called:
Moslems
Muslins
Fanatics
The holy book of Islam is called:
The Koran
The Koram
The Bible
In Arabic, God is called:
Ali
Allah
Jehova
Priority for purchase of American flags will be given to those whose
ancestors lived on American soil the longest. When all American Indians
who wish to display the red, white and blue are satisfied, other
applicants will be accepted.
A call for war on any radio talk-show will be construed as a public
declaration of willingness to enlist in the US Army; callers will have 24
hours to complete the paperwork
In MS Word, using a large font size, write NYC (as in New York City) three times.
Change the second NYC to use WEBDINGS font.
Change the third NYC to use WINGDINGS font.
Here are the results:-
Useful Phrases to know when travelling in Moslem Countries
