Idiots, they're everywhereIt's TrueStrange But TrueStupid PeopleIdiot SightingsDarwin Awards - Criminal CategoryThe Shooting of Linda BurnettFireworks foibles and folliesThe Claire Swire swallowing emailMontes Email Blunder
Idiots, they're everywhere
It's True
Strange But True
Stupid People
Idiot Sightings
Darwin Awards - Criminal Category
The Shooting of Linda Burnett
Fireworks foibles and follies
The Claire Swire swallowing email
Montes Email Blunder
Some evidence that the gene pool may need a little chlorine:
Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
At a grocery store in San Jose, they have new credit card/bank card readers at the checkout stands. If you don't know how to orient your card to swipe it through the reader, the checkout person will say, "Strip down, face toward me."
Idiots and Geography:
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?
Advice for Idiots:
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees." "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."
Idiots in the Neighbourhood:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
Idiots and Computers:
My neighbour works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. one night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
Idiots In Food Services:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
Idiots Do Math:
A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's how I always remember." So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat ... So every year that you age, she only ages half a year?" My co-worker thought about that, and then said, ,oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years."
Clever boy
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence, hmm?
With a Little Help from Our Friends!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up.
And What Was Plan B?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
And These Nitwits Are Teaching Our Children?!!
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs!
Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher." And a student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy ... not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence,' policy.
Some Days, It Just Doesn't Pay to Gnaw Through the Straps ...
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system."
And for the Main Course ...
A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46 teaspoons, 2 cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs.
The Getaway ...
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery?!
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
Have I Got a Deal for You!
More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly enough to pay $10,000 each for the first tourist flight to Mars. According to the Italian police, the would-be space travelers paid to spend their "next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of ruined temples and painted deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the views. Trips to the moon also available."
Authorities believe that the con men running this scam made off with over six million dollars.
Too Well-Educated ...
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened."
Did I Say That?!
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
Ouch, That Smarts!
A bank robber in Virginia got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants." Police have the man's charred trousers in custody.
Are We Not Communicating?
A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
Well, certainly strange, and some might even be true. More or less. Probably less.
An 18-year old man was sentenced to 10 years in prison in Jacksonville, Florida, on a charge of drug-related murder. He explained that he had been driven into a life of crime because , he claimed, 'people expected me to live up to my namesake.' His father said he had named him Adolph Hitler Clark, 'because he was famous.'
Raygena Harper accepted a $17,000 settlement from the City of San Francisco in compensation for her 'humiliation' by a police officer. He had forced Harper to comply with the local 'pooper scooper' law by making her clean up after her dog, in front of a crowd of people. However, Harper is blind and the law does not apply to guide dogs.
Professor LR Cleveland of Harvard University is carrying out a research project at the University of Canberra. He is studying the parasites in the intestines of ants.
According to a case filed at Oakland, California, Lockheed employees used powerful government computers and government time and materials to build a private aeroplane, write the entire Bible onto a computer file and operate their football pools.
Jose Martins was convicted in Ontario of counterfeiting US and Canadian dollars. He was discovered when he failed to keep up the payments on an new Canon colour copier; when the machine was repossessed, the suppliers found samples of his work hidden inside.
One student in 12 at the University of Miami could not locate Miami on a globe.
Elaine Houghland , 20, entered a contest organised by Louisville radio station WDXJ to find the most creative use of its name. She submitted nine dead animals - squirrels, cats opossums and a chicken - wired to a board in the shape of 'WDXJ.' Houghland claimed that she had scraped them off the road, but a local animal agency spokesman alleged that she had killed them deliberately to enter the contest.
Convicted murderer Michael Godwin, 28, successfully had his sentence reduced from electrocution to life imprisonment in a South Carolina prison. In his cell he sat naked on a metal toilet seat while attempting to fix a television set, bit through a live wire and was instantly electrocuted.
American Midwestern housewife Jean Voight has to keep her small dog Larry in the house or just take him out wrapped in a blanket. Larry, who exercises on a treadmill, has been confirmed by pet psychologists as hating the looks of himself naked as he trots past shop windows.
It has been calculated that the US Government's subsidy to the dairy industry works out at well over $1,000 for every cow in the USA, which is greater than the average annual income of half the world's population.
Carlene Gray, 36, was arrested for shoplifting in San Francisco when she attempted to waddle out of a fur shop with a $30,000 full-length sable coat between her legs.
Jim C Brady, Florida's best-known proponent of fundamental Christianity and creationism in American Schools, pleaded guilty to driving through residential areas, tossing nude photos of himself out of the window.
In Palermo, Italy, 8 year old Giusto Durante's hands became mysteriously locked together after watching Giucas Casella hypnotise someone on a TV programme. Doctors tried to track down Casella to get him to break the boy's trance by telephone, eventually finding him in another hospital where he was being treated after skewering himself in the neck during a mind-over-matter demonstration that had gone disastrously wrong.
The New Jersey Casino Control Commission refused to allow Colonel Oliver North to deliver a speech on family values at one of their establishments because his appearance would 'strain the integrity of the New Jersey casino industry.'
Gary M Lewis, 23, was serving on the jury in a murder trial in Baltimore. As he passed a metal detector, a cigarette lighter he was carrying triggered an alarm and a police guard who asked him to empty his pockets arrested him on the spot as he removed 30 packets of cocaine.
The Bear Care Company of Beverly Hills , CA, sells 'Bear Bath,' a shampoo for dirty teddy bears.
Police in Sheridan, Wyoming, arrested local radio star Brian Paul Lubanski, charging him with stealing 90 copies of Billings Gazette so that he could vote for himself in the paper's 'Favourite Radio Personality' contest.
Good Books, an American religious publishing house, has its headquarters in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.
Martin Yauch and his wife, Lois, were sentenced to 75 days in jail following an incident at their office party in Manitowoc, Wisconsin, when they jokingly laced a cake with a powerful laxative.
Tim Diamond of Alaska has been granted a state licence to mine local icebergs, which he sells as gourmet ice cubes at $3 a pound. Iceberg ice lasts twice as long as home-made ice and contains no additives.
Twelve overweight passengers were bumped off an Olympic Airways flight out of Athens after a visual inspection suggested an unacceptable passenger-to-fuel weight ratio. A fist fight broke out when some of the 12 pointed out that there were even fatter passengers who had not been evicted.
Police in St.Cloud, Minnesota, searched in vain for a young man who went into the oddly-named Kinko's Copy Center, pulled down his trousers and leapt onto a photocopier in an apparent attempt to photocopy his genitals. When the glass broke, he fled, having caused approximately $4,300 worth of damage.
Police in Dayton, Ohio, were reported to be searching for a man described as 'middle-aged' and 'flabby', who had gained entry to various all-female groups, including a women's college, by claiming he was a freelance male stripper. Once inside he had taken off his clothes, covered himself with baby lotion and fondled himself in front of the women present.
Every day, we are assaulted by stories of stupid people -- many of whom use their stupidity for personal gain (e.g., $2.SM to some old broad stupid enough to put hot coffee in her uh - lap while driving). From time to time, though, we hear of those who strive to achieve new levels of stupidity while also breaking the law. To these brave men and women--ooops, women and men, we present the highest possible honor: entry into the "Stupid-Criminal Hall of Shame." The following are their accounts ...
Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine, with their bumper still attached to the chain, with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
(Editor's Note 1: And they wonder why we call them 'Yahoos" ... )
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled—leaving his wallet on the counter.
England: A German tourist,' supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a handicap, is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does – backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
Germany: Oil of Ulay no longer turning the trick for her, a woman decided that she would bathe in the milk of a camel (a modern-day Cleopatra). So she stole a camel from the local zoo (where *else* can you find a camel when you need one?) and transported it back to her house—where she realized that the camel's name was otto. (Editor's Note 2: She might not have gotten much milk from otto, but she probably made a friend for life while trying)
Arizona: A company called 'Guns For Hire' stages gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4 1/2 years in jail.
Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check a *forged* check. He got 10 years.
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that held forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole, are you ready for this? The bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera. The police, however, *did*)
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was, (2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed 19111 for help ...
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal are refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc. They put the refrigerator BACK into the house and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck, so they abandoned it.
(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
Sighting #1: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
Sighting #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"
Sighting #3: I worked with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.
Sighting #4 (a rare "double sighting"): A friend had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they'd take up less room. When he told me I was with another friend. She thought it was a good idea too.
Sighting #5 (from Tech Support):
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Individual: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet,
and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
Sighting #6 (from Tech Support):
Individual: Now what do I do?
Tech Support: What is the prompt on the screen?
Individual: It's asking for "Enter Your Last Name."
Tech Support: Okay, so type in your last name.
Individual: How do you spell that?
RUNNER-UP # 8
Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
RUNNER-UP # 7
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
RUNNER-UP # 6
San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
RUNNER-UP # 5
From England: A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of 40 Pounds. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture ... of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.
RUNNER-UP # 4
Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five minute recess to compose himself.
RUNNER-UP # 3
Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.
RUNNER-UP # 2
Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer felon-location equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
RUNNER-UP # 1
Another from Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
THE WINNER
A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The man sued.... and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires."
After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson.
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her in-laws. While there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up, her eyes closed, and both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked, and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.
She had initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour-until someone noticed and came to her aid.
And, yes, Linda is a blonde.
Associated Press
"Proof though the night was dark that the flag was still there"
The New York Daily News has awarded the State of Florida its "Most Patriotic Independence Celebration Award." Where on the steps of the state capitol, state Fire Marshal Bill Gunter lashed firecrackers to a Raggedy Ann doll and set them off! The doll suffered burns to its hand and torso. "We wanted the public to see how serious the problem is. This doll could have easily been a child." It takes me thinks, a sick mind to think of lashing firecrackers to a child!
Fairfield, Ill. 1985. "Two people were hospitalized and seven others were injured in an explosion at Fairfield's Lakeside Park. Some accounts indicated bottle rocket shot from the crowd behind a fence some 25 yards away from the fireworks landed in one of the eight cases of aerial display shells."
San Francisco, Ca. 1985. A "fog-proof" aerial display was to start about 9:00 p.m. If Crissy Field is fogged in, technicians were to substitute low-altitude fireworks for a portion of the show!
Las Vegas, Nev. 1984. A pre-teen boy caused 30,000 damage to a home by firing rockets inside the house, setting the drapes on fire. A spokesman said the youth would not be charged, but the boy would receive counseling. [ I have heard that shoe polish is good for hemorrhoids!]
Elkton, Md. 1985. A Cecil County raid netted 225,000 pieces of illegal fireworks and explosives. [20 cases of firecrackers should about cover it.]
Saugus, Mass. 1985. Four men, a juvenile and a woman were arrested in police raids for allegedly selling and warehousing more then $150,000 in illegal fireworks. Police found five cars filled with fireworks, and estimated their value at between $50,000 and $100,000, and the value of the fireworks in the home at $100,000. [If you can get $20,000 worth of fireworks in a car, you must be a magician! PS the total haul was 70 cases - that works out to $2142.86 a case!!!]
Everett, Wa. 1985. "About a half-mile of brush was ablaze early today on the 2-mile-long sand jetty, when Thor, a 150-pound, 24-inch-wide shell, misfired at the end of the city's fireworks display. The $3000 shell was to have shot 2,700 feet into the sky with 10 smaller shells and burst into a flower-shaped rainbow of jets over a square mile with a boom heard in Seattle, about 15 miles away."
Shamokin, Pa. 1985. In the central Pennsylvania coal town of Shamokin a 160-pound chrysanthemum shell six feet around [would you beleive 24"] went off as planned with a colorful display seen 24 to 30 miles away. The shell burst 1,200 feet over the center of the town at the end of a 360-shell finale. It was touched off electrically by an operator in fire-resistant clothing, ear protectors and a hard hat standing nearly a half-mile away.
Amherst, Ma. 1985. A U of Mass student was injured when a homemade "Roman candle" used to shoot toilet paper rolls out dormitory windows exploded. The student was "apparently packing firecrackers into a small metal trash can and was using the device to shoot toilet paper rolls from the window of the dormitory."
Peabody, Ma. 1985. Police charged a 17 year-old high school student with making a least 10 homemade bombs and selling them to classmates out of a lunch box. "Stanisos allegedly made the bombs estimated to be 200 to 300 times more powerful than a firework called a cherry bomb, in his bedroom, using books of making fireworks and potassium perchlorate, aluminum dark pyro and sulfur he obtained though an out-of-state mail order company. Two bombs were thrown this week at the Peabody Vocational High School, one causing a 12-inch hole in the metal and plaster roof."
Gillette, Wyo. 1984. The July 4th fireworks show, billed as the biggest in city history, was turned into a short but spectacular display when a 12 inch shell burst too close to the ground and set off nearly $10,000 worth of shells, sending workers scrambling for cover. A nearby pickup truck was blown apart and fire department vehicles sustained broken windshields and headlights. "Everybody is ready to do it again next year. You get bucked off a horse you get back on again."
Lewiston, NY. 1984. The fireworks display at Artpark in Lewiston went off without a hitch Wednesday night, until it came time for the grand finale. State police said 29 pieces of aerial salute fireworks were stolen during the show!
Oakland, CA. 1984. The Port of Oakland held a safe and sane July Fourth celebration Wednesday night through no fault of its own, when the truck carrying the fireworks to the display broke down and failed to arrive.
Lansing, MI. 1985. The Michigan Court of Appeals ruled a woman who was attacked and bitten on the nose by an intoxicated spectator at a fireworks display cannot sue the city of Wyandotte or BASF Corp., which co-sponsored the display.
Portland, OR. 1985. Police warned that homemade explosive with power equivalent to two sticks of dynamite were being sold to people who probably believe they only are buying large fireworks. These 6 inch long, 3 inch in diameter "fireworks" filled with a pound of flash powder, sold for $25 each.
Los Angeles, CA. 1985. "A family that has celebrated July 4th for 12 consecutive years with elaborate fireworks shows will attempt to set a Guinness World Book Record by setting off 1.25 million fireworks [firecrackers]. Another attempt at a world record will be an 800-foot cascading fireworks waterfall."
Indianapolis, Ind. 1985. "An employee for the Indiana Dept of Highways was arrested and charged with the illegal sale and possession of pyrotechnics, after he was discovered selling the fireworks from a department-owned truck."
Omaha, Neb. 1985. A star basketball, baseball and football player lost one finger and part of two others when an M-80 exploded in his hand. He lighted the M-80 and started to toss it from the vehicle when he noticed a policeman nearby, while trying to put the fuse out it exploded in his left hand. The blast also shattered the car's windshield and blew a hole in the steering wheel.
A very personal email sent by Claire Swire, over the office email, to her boyfriend, Bradley Chait,
become public knowledge, when he passed it on to some friends, who passed it
onto theirs, who....
This thing flew round the world over a weekend in December 2000,
and resulted in them both going into hiding.
Their employers, a London law firm, Norton Rose, were none too pleased either.
Here it is for your delectation. I've tidied up the formatting, and removed LOADS of the most recent recipients.
Read from the bottom up.
-----Original Message-----
From: Ferri, David
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:50
To: Falkner, Claire; Drummond, Edward; Driver, Robert; Hames, Joel;
Walker, Steven; Murray, Grant; Knight, Peter; Newby, Chris; Moss, Jason
Cc: Banner, Heather; Boxer, Sonya; Williamson, Emma
Subject: RE: "yours was yum"
what a top lass
let's start a campaign to find her
-----Original Message-----
From: Falkner, Claire
Sent: 07 December 2000 19:35
To: Drummond, Edward; Driver, Robert; Hames, Joel; Walker, Steven;
Murray, Grant; Knight, Peter; Ferri, David; Newby, Chris; Moss, Jason
Cc: Banner, Heather; Boxer, Sonya; Williamson, Emma
Subject: RE: "yours was yum"
just found the same thing - still, how many swires are there in this city?
-----Original Message-----
From: Drummond, Edward
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:34
To: Falkner, Claire; Driver, Robert; Hames, Joel; Walker, Steven;
Murray, Grant; Knight, Peter; Ferri, David; Newby, Chris; Moss, Jason
Cc: Banner, Heather; Boxer, Sonya; Williamson, Emma
Subject: RE: "yours was yum"
she isn't NR actually now I've looked for her name on internal directory. So we don't know her email address.
-----Original Message-----
From: Falkner, Claire
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:33
To: Drummond, Edward; Driver, Robert; Hames, Joel; Walker, Steven;
Murray, Grant; Knight, Peter; Ferri, David; Newby, Chris; Moss, Jason
Cc: Banner, Heather; Boxer, Sonya; Williamson, Emma
Subject: RE: "yours was yum"
has anyone else been tempted to forward this back to her?
-----Original Message-----
From: Drummond, Edward
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:31
To: Driver, Robert; Hames, Joel; Walker, Steven; Murray, Grant;
Knight, Peter; Ferri, David; Newby, Chris; Moss, Jason
Cc: Banner, Heather; Boxer, Sonya; Williamson, Emma; Falkner, Claire
Subject: RE: "yours was yum"
they are all NR
-----Original Message-----
From: Driver, Robert
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:31
To: Drummond, Edward; Hames, Joel; Walker, Steven; Murray, Grant;
Knight, Peter; Ferri, David; Newby, Chris; Moss, Jason
Cc: Banner, Heather; Boxer, Sonya; Williamson, Emma; Falkner, Claire
Subject: RE: "yours was yum"
who are these people? do they work at NR
-----Original Message-----
From: Drummond, Edward
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:28
To: Hames, Joel; Walker, Steven; Murray, Grant; Driver, Robert;
Knight, Peter; Ferri, David; Newby, Chris; Moss, Jason
Cc: Banner, Heather; Boxer, Sonya; Williamson, Emma; Falkner, Claire
Subject: FW: "yours was yum"
beggars belief. I feel honour bound to circulate this.
-----Original Message-----
From: Chait, Bradley
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:25
To: Tarbuck, Andrew; Caffarate, Nick; Townsend, Nathan;
McDougall, Jamie; Davies, Stuart; Drummond, Edward
Subject: "yours was yum"
now THAT'S a nice compliment from a lass, isn't it?
-----Original Message-----
From: Claire Swire
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:12
To: Chait, Bradley
Subject: RE:
I hadn't swallowed for years but yours was yum and very good for me too!
Apparently it's very good conditioner for your hair ...
getting a funny picture in my head, giggling out loud and now having to explain to Dave what's so funny!
-----Original Message-----
From: Chait, Bradley [mailto:chaitb@nortonrose.com]
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:10
To: 'Claire Swire'
Subject: RE:
Not ALL the time I hope
(or so you would have me believe)
-----Original Message-----
From: Claire Swire
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:07
To: Chait, Bradley
Subject: RE:
lucky I swallow so that wont be happening to me!
-----Original Message-----
From: Chait, Bradley [mailto:chaitb@nortonrose.com]
Sent: 07 December 2000 16:06
To: 'Claire Swire'
Subject: RE:
cute
-----Original Message-----
From: Claire Swire
Sent: 07 December 2000 15:53
To: Adrian James (E-mail); Benny Shipley (E-mail); Chait, Bradley;
Caroline Scotson (E-mail); Chris May (E-mail); Ellie Thorneycroft (E-mail);
Mark de st croix (E-mail); Matt Metos (E-mail); Pete Kenyon (E-mail);
Toby Clarke (E-mail)
Subject:
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!",
she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
A good reminder to make sure you check who you're sending emails
to before hitting the send button.
Not quite as bad as ms swires...
Considerably cleaned up, misc forwardings that contain noise removed,
unessential email addresses removed.
Read from the bottom up.
-----Original Message-----
From: <deleted>
Sent: Wednesday, January 17, 2001 8:56 AM
To: <deleted>
Subject: FW:
Mate - worth reading from the bottom. I know Jason and Khaled - this bird at Monte's unfortuanetly just managed to disuade the entire Arab money lads of London from joining - she must be spitting.
-----Original Message-----
From: <deleted>
Sent: 15 January 2001 10:29
To: <deleted>
Subject:
Please read from bottom to top then forward.....this just shows you where customer service in London has got to. People like this should be taught a lesson...anyone know any newspaper editors?
----Original Message Follows----
From: jason.gissing@lmsolutions.com
To: <deleted>
Subject: FW: membership
Date: Fri, 12 Jan 2001 15:40:46 -0000
this will entertain you - have a look at this traffic - start right at the bottom!
-----Original Message-----
From: Jason Gissing
Sent: Saturday, January 06, 2001 11:25 AM
To: 'Patricia Cusack'
Cc: 'amanda@montes.co.uk'; 'membership@montes.co.uk';
Subject: RE: membership
Patricia - it's a shame that you consider my interest in Montes to be an attempt 'to make a night of it' - you clearly don't understand the type of people you are trying to attract. Do you really think someone who lives in Knightsbridge would bother trying to get a free night out at your club?! You are clearly not qualified to manage the establishment you are currently in, displaying such poor judgment!
It is also a shame that you think I am an arse-hole for complaining about the lack of help I was given once I had taken an interest in your club. Not surprisingly, I no longer have any interest at all in Montes. I will make it clear to the many people I know both in London and elsewhere that the new manageress is completely unprofessional and cannot be trusted in any position of responsibility. Do some research. And be more careful about who you insult.
Jason Gissing
-----Original Message-----
From: Patricia Cusack <mailto:patricia@montes.co.uk>
Sent: 05 January 2001 14:06
To: Jason Gissing
Subject: Re: membership
Amanda
Can you arrange a date for this ass***** to come in ! It would be better if he comes in on a weekday then either myself, Jorge or John can see him. Weekends at 8.00 is not good for anyone - he obviously wants to make a night of it !!!!! Let me know how you get on. Thanks.
Patricia
----- Original Message -----
From: jason.gissing@lmsolutions.com
To: patricia@montes.co.uk <mailto:patricia@montes.co.uk>
Sent: Monday, January 01, 2001 12:06 PM
Subject: RE: membership
Patricia - happy birthday for the 13th. Perhaps sometime the following weekend instead? Are weekends a bad time? As I mentioned I live very close by and could always come in at 7.30 or 8 in the evening when I get home from work...on a weekday, that is, as that might be easier for the club.
Please let me know. Many thanks Jason
-----Original Message-----
From: Patricia Cusack <mailto:patricia@montes.co.uk>
Sent: 30 December 2000 17:57
To: Jason Gissing
Subject: Re: membership
Jason
Thanks for the reply. It would be a pleasure to show you around. It is my birthday on the 13th so I will not be here !!! - Hopefully out dining elsewhere but if you let me know a time I will arrange for one of my managers to be available. Have a great New Year and enjoy the skiing ! Kind Regards.
Patricia
----- Original Message -----
From: jason.gissing@lmsolutions.com
To: patricia@montes.co.uk <mailto:patricia@montes.co.uk>
Sent: Saturday, December 30, 2000 9:19 AM
Subject: RE: membership
Patricia
many thanks for this. I am in Switzerland for the next 10 days but would love to have the opportunity to see Montes when I am back. The weekend of the 13/14th of Jan would be marvellous, as I work reasonably late during the week. Please could you let me know what is convenient for you. None of your staff have been particularly unhelpful. I was just becoming frustrated that each time I came by (I live around the corner), I was told that you were too busy to show people around...something I can understand!
Happy new year
Jason
-----Original Message-----
From: Patricia Cusack <mailto:patricia@montes.co.uk>
Sent: 29 December 2000 14:57
To: Carpe Diem; Jason Gissing
Cc: membership@montes.co.uk
Subject: Re: membership
Dear Luca
I am most perturbed to hear that Jason could not get a showround of Monte's. With regard to showing people the facilities available and to explain what is on offer all showrounds are done by Amanda the club secretary or myself subject to availability and not by the reception team who man the phones for the whole club and cannot leave the desk. I would suggest that to ensure the appropriate welcome is given that Jason calls either myself or Amanda to fix a date and time so that this does not occur again. With regard to this particular situation I can only concur that neither Amanda or I were available to do the showround due to the busy December period. I will obviously speak to my reception manager to ensure the situation is explained more clearly when people arrive and are given a more professional welcome.
PATRICIA CUSACK
Montes Club Manager
----- Original Message -----
From: Carpe Diem <mailto:mail@carpe-diem.uk.com>
To: jason.gissing@lmsolutions.com
Cc: membership@montes.co.uk <mailto:membership@montes.co.uk> ;
patricia@montes.co.uk <mailto:patricia@montes.co.uk>
Sent: Sunday, December 24, 2000 2:03 PM
Subject: membership
Dear Mr. Gissing,
I am sorry you have attempted to visit the club and did not find a warm welcome. The Club has now a new General Manager "Patricia Cusack" which is extremely professional and efficient. Monte's is now better and more interesting than ever.
Please accept my apologies if you found any difficulty in visiting the Club, it was probably due to the fact that Monte's looks after the interest of their members at the most and are protective towards unknown visitors.
I would suggest you contact the membership secretary Amanda or the General Manager Patricia Cusack on 02072450896 - they will most welcoming if you mention Carpe Diem.
best wishes
Luca
Carpe Diem London Ltd.
----- Original Message -----
From: jason.gissing@lmsolutions.com <mailto:jason.gissing@lmsolutions.com>
To: mail@carpe-diem.uk.com <mailto:mail@carpe-diem.uk.com>
Sent: Sunday, December 24, 2000 1:19 PM
Subject: RE:
I am still interested but the people at reception are pretty unpleasant and always refuse to show me around. I live around the corner and having tried 3 times now I am losing patience!
-----Original Message-----
From: Carpe Diem <mailto:mail@carpe-diem.uk.com>
Sent: 22 December 2000 21:46
To: to you
Subject:
Importance: High
Thank you for enquiring about the membership at the exclusive Monte's Club.
Carpe Diem tries at all times to get the best possible deals for it's affectionate customers and have now managed to get another great benefit. If you process your membership at Monte's before 15th January 2001 - Monte's is happy to offer you as well as the wavering of the joining fee - a voucher of £100 that you may consume on food or beverage. Please let us know if you are still interested and we'll make sure that all the benefits attached with the membership are delivered to you! just email: montes@carpe-diem.uk.com <mailto:montes@carpe-diem.uk.com> or telephone Samantha on 0973 317487. have a wonderful Christmas and a great New Year
Benefits:
Monte's Club, 164 Sloane Street. Monte's will be wavering the joining fee
to anyone applying through Carpe Diem!!!!! Membership for anyone under
35 will only be £250 a year. You will have access to its Lounge Bar,
Private Dining Room, Restaurant with Jamie Oliver as the new chef and the
Nightclub.
the unique range of additional benefits that even further enhance the Value of Monte's Membership:
* Membership of the Hyatt Privilege Club offering discounted dining and entertainment concessions in The Rib Room and Oyster Bar and Grissini-london, at Hyatt Carlton Tower and also at The Restaurant at The Lowndes Hotel.
* Use of the Hyatt Carlton Tower underground Car Park at a rate of £1.50 per hour.
* Access To Spa and Beauty Treatments at The Peak Health Club and The Pool.
* 50% reduction off the Joining Fee, when becoming a member of The Peak Health club and Pool.
* Access to the services of the Hotel Concierge Team in arranging Travel, Theatre Tickets and Chauffeur driven Limousines.
* Preferential Terms And Conditions at all Hyatt Hotels And Resorts Worldwide.
* Use of the Hyatt Carlton Tower Business Centre
* No Room Hire When Hiring The Private Dining Room Or Nightclub Exclusively
* Reciprocal agreements with exclusive UK and Overseas members' Clubs, including: London Capital Club; Royal County of Berkshire Polo Club; Havana Lounge Cigar Clubs in -Berlin, Frankfurt & Hamburg -Germany, and Vienna, Austria, St. James Club- Paris; Ark Hills Club- Tokyo.
* Also Monte's Members have special arrangements at Newbury Racecourse.
The Bar at Monte's - This is very popular for business meetings during the day and relaxed drinks in the evening.
The Restaurant at Monte's- The Restaurant has been redesigned and relaunched in collaboration with Jamie Oliver. The restaurant is open to the public at lunchtime, however, it is open only to Club members in the evenings.
The Private Dining Room -An ideal location for private parties lunches, business meetings and dinners.
Monte's Cigar Store- For cigar lovers, there is no better place! Monte's cigar store boasts a fine range of Cuban cigars and accessories. Once you select one, you only have to choose in which part of the Club to enjoy it!
The Night Club -the place to relax and dance until 3am, whilst top DJs help you find the right rhythm!
Membership Details
-Junior Membership (MEMBERS WHO ARE UNDER 35)
Annual Subscription is £250. Waiving the joining fee of £150.
-Overseas Membership
Annual Subscription is £400. Waiving the joining fee of £250.
-Standard Membership (INCLUDES PARTNER/SPOUSE)
Annual Subscription is £500. Waiving the joining fee of £250.
-Corporate Membership
Annual Subscription is £400 per member. Waiving the joining fee of
£1,000 per company.