Boy & Girl RabbitSlug & SnailBad DogThe Hedgehog and the RabbitsCunning CanineThe frog and the bearTaking a Dog On HolidayThe Captain's ParrotAvoiding BearsZebra
Boy & Girl Rabbit
Slug & Snail
Bad Dog
The Hedgehog and the Rabbits
Cunning Canine
The frog and the bear
Taking a Dog On Holiday
The Captain's Parrot
Avoiding Bears
Zebra
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Big Joke List
What did the boy rabbit say to the girl rabbit?
This won't take long, did it?
What did the slug say to the snail?
Big Issue mate?
My dog Minton ate all my shuttle cocks.
Bad Minton!
Late at night a hedgehog sees two rabbits hopping around in the middle of the road. "What are you doing?", says the hedgehog. The rabbits reply: "we are playing chicken, see?.. we sit in the middle of the road and wait for cars to drive past above us..lots of fun!, why don't you try it??"
So the hedgehog stands in the middle of the road while the rabbits go to the side to wait. A pair of lights show in the distance getting closer and closer....
Suddenly...SPLATTTT ......
One rabbit turns to the other: "You don't see many Reliant Robins nowadays.."
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dog thinks, "Begob, I'm in deep shite now." (He was an Irish setter).... Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."
Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet.
And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey. I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"
Once upon a time... there was a frog who lived in a lake all by himself. He had been given special powers by a local witch. One day he finally ventured out of the lake to get his first glimpse of the world outside. The first thing he saw was a bear chasing a rabbit and so he called out to them and asked them to stop.
Then he said to them: "I am a magical frog and since you are the first two animals I have ever seen, I am going to grant you both three wishes. You will each take turns using them and you have to use them now."
The bear (being greedy) went first. I would like for every bear in this forest to be female except for me". A magical sound and it was done.
Then the rabbit. "I would like a helmet."
This confused both the frog and the bear, but after a magical sound there was a helmet.
It was the bear's turn again. "I would like for every bear in the neighboring forest to be female." A magical sound and it was done.
The rabbit went again. "I would like a motorcycle."
Both the frog and the bear wondered why the rabbit didn't just ask for a lot of money with which he could buy himself a motorcycle, but after a magical sound there was a motorcycle.
The bear took his last wish. "I would like for all the bears in the world to be female except for me." A magical sound and it was done.
The rabbit then put on his helmet, started up the motorcycle, and said "I wish the bear was gay" and then took off like a bat out of hell........
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote:"I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat."
"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself adrift on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.
They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day then another and another.
After a week the parrot said:
"OK, I give up. Where the f*ck is the boat?"
The Colorado division of Wildlife Alert advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly. They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of bear activity. People should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur.
Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
A zebra went to heaven. When he saw St. Peter he asked him,
"You know, I have always wondered, am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?"
St. Peter said he would have to ask God that question since he's the one that made him.
So the zebra asked God, "God, am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?"
God answered, "You are what you are."
The zebra left and came upon St. Peter and told him,
"Well I asked God if I was a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes..."
"What was the answer," St. Peter asked.
"Well I still don't know. All He said was: 'You are what you are.'
"Well that answers it," Said St. Peter. "You're a white horse with black stripes."
"How do you know that?" asked the zebra.
"Well if you were a black horse with white stripes He would have said: "You is what you is".