Remember - don't hitchhike...Dear JohnUS health careLittle Old LadyAli G InnitAli G interviews Victoria Beckham..!!!Ali G interviews Madonna..!!!Military SexHow Was It?Another Use For Pumpkins
Remember - don't hitchhike...
Dear John
US health care
Little Old Lady
Ali G Innit
Ali G interviews Victoria Beckham..!!!
Ali G interviews Madonna..!!!
Military Sex
How Was It?
Another Use For Pumpkins
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Big Joke List
A long-haired youth was hitchhiking through the deep South. He got a ride from a mean-looking redneck trucker. After riding about 30 miles in silence,the youth finally said, "Well, aren't you going to ask me?"
"Ask you what?" replied the trucker.
"If I'm a boy or a girl," answered the youth.
"Don't matter," replied the trucker. "I'm gonna f**k ya anyway."
This soldier had been stationed overseas and was fooling around on his wife. She was back home in the states. She found out about it through some anonymous letters.
The soldier gets a package from his wife. He finds inside a batch of homemade cookies and a video tape of his favourite stateside TV shows.
He invites a couple of buddies over to watch the tape. They're all having a great time eating the cookies and watching episodes of "South Park".
Right in the middle of one episode, though, the tape cuts to a home video of the soldier's wife, on her knees, giving the soldier's best friend oral sex.
After a few seconds, the best friend "does his business" and she turns, on camera, and spits it right into . . . a mixing bowl of cookie dough.
The wife then looks right into the camera and says, "I want a divorce."
Now THAT'S a "Dear John" letter.
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not take precautions. A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his dick covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see his doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, "I've got very bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it." The man looks a little relieved and says "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc." The doctor answers "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis." The man screams in horror, "No, never! I want a second opinion!" The doctor replies, "Well it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is the only option."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines him and proclaims, "Ah yes, Mongolian VD. Velly lare disease. " The guys says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can you do? My American doctor wants to amputate my penis!" The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, "Stupid Amellican doctor! Amellican doctor, always want to opulate. Make more money, that way. No need to opulate! "Oh thank God!" the man replies. "Yes" says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two week. Dick fall off by self!"
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and they're always silent. As a matter of fact I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they didn't smell and they're silent."
The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me. My farts are still silent, but they just stink TERRIBLY now."
"Good," says the doctor, "now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start work on your hearing."
'Quotes from interviews that Ali G has done on Channel 4's 11 O'Clock Show'. A video containing these interviews is available.
George Paton - Orange Lodge Grandmaster in N Ireland...
Ali : When you is on your marches is there music?
GP : There is lots of music.
Ali : Is you knocking out a drum and bass sound or is it more speed garage?
GP : *pause* Er, different drummers have different styles.
Ali : Do you not think you should use a bit of human beat box? Then people could really chill.
Ali : Would you ever marry a protestant girl?
GP : Perhaps.
Ali : Well that is a good gesture, no. Wot about marrying a Catholic girl?
GP : Possibly because of my faith I would not.
Ali : But what if she was fit?
GP : Again, because of my religion, no.
Ali : But what if she had her own car AND sound system and she wasn't gonna be stealing money off you all the time. Would you marry 'er then?
GP : I think I could be friends with Catholics.
Ali : But could you get jiggy with them?
GP : It's hard for some people to understand, but because of my faith, no.
Ali : But what if they woz really, really fit?
GP : NO.
Ali : Wot about the band the Corrs? Would you marry them?
GP : NO!
Ali : So you is telling me that if they walked in 'ere now and asked you to marry them you wouldn't.
GP : Because of my faith, no.
Ali : All three of them.
GP : NO.
Ali : So you really believe this stuff then!
Talking to Sue Ramsey, a member of the assembly of Sinn Fein...
Ali : Wot is it the language that they speak 'ere?
SR : Gaelic.
Ali : GAY-LICK? What is that botty language or somfin, what is the real name of it?
Ali : What is the vibe with drugs in Ireland? It might be stereotyping or whatever man but I is heard that the Irish is always up for the crack.
SR : No, no. Crack in Ireland means having a good time.
Ali : A'ight, for real but crack is a bad drug there is a high but also a low.
Talking to the Lord Mayor of Ireland...
Ali : Me don't know what going on 'ere.
Mayor : Well there are some people in Ireland who want to become a part of the United Ireland and then there are people who would like to become a part of the United Kingdom.
Ali : And where does Wogan stand? Is he in the IRA?
Censorship with James Thurman...
Ali : That has got to be the best job no? Watching porno all day. I mean you've been doing it for 25 years man and surely no one can keep it hard for that long?
Ali : Why did they ban The Chocolate Orange?
JT : Clockwork Orange.
Ali : Whatever.
Ali : Do you not think that the category 18 is too vague. Do you not think that you should 'av a category that guarantees you muff?
Ali : What swear words make an 18. Is flange an 18?
JT : What is flange?
Ali : It's a word for the punani. What about virgina? Does that make it an 18 coz that is the most dirty word man. That makes it sound 'orrible.
Tony Benn
Ali : Why do they call it the welfare state? Is it coz it is well fair?
Ali : Unemployment benefit is wicked no, coz you get money for doing nothing, just chilling.
Ali : Me want to work when me want to work. Most of the time me want to just chill or whatever, or just hang with me beetches.
Ali : The good thing about electing celebrities is that you know what day is like, ufferwise you get the MP's and then you find out that after a year that they is like, you know sleeping with horses or whatever.
Judge Pickles and Law
Ali : When can you murder someone?
JP : Well that's really a nonsensical question if I may say so because if you are entitled to kill somebody it's not murder.
Ali : OK, but can you murder someone if someone, let's say called your mum a slag, diss your mama? .. If they call your mum a slag, you ring up the police, the police 'aint gonna do nothing, you know they laugh at you.
JP : It depends I suppose, if you called my mother a slag and I then killed you, provocation can reduce murder to manslaughter,
Ali : So where's the line then? If they call her slag - manslaughter, if they call her bitch - is that murder?
Ali : Do you think women should be on juries?
JP : Oh yes, of course.
Ali : What about when they got the painters in?
JP : I'm sorry?
Ali : What about when it's rag week? How can they be thinking straight, serious! Serious, my woman, she doesn't know what's going on, guilty - everyone is guilty when it's her time, everyone is guilty. I do something small - GUILTY! You should be chopped, whatever.
JP : I don't honestly think you could start asking people intimate questions and say "no, you can't do this."
Ali : Exactly, this is why you should not have women on juries.
Education with Rhodes Boyson...
Ali : What is education?
RB : Education is basic literacy and numeracy.
Ali : And what is they?
Ali : What do you reckon about the Maffs.
RB : What, the Maths?
Ali : Ayyy. Do you rate tha Maffs or do you rock tha Maffs?
RB : What is the Maffs?
Ali : You know. One, two, three or whatever.
RB : I see, yes.
Ali : Well why don't they teach propa Maffs in schools?
RB : What do you mean by propa Maths?
Ali : Instead of teaching kilos and grams, why don't they teach ounces, quarters and eighths...
RB : Yes, I mean in baking you need to know those terms.
Ali : Ayyy, for real. Me know baking.
RB : I bake my own breakfast every morning.
Ali : Ayyy. An me bake ME own breakfast an all. I mean who ever bought a kilo of anything man. Except me mate Dave but he's gone down now.
Ali : Do you think we should have mixed schools?
RB : I think that everyone should have the choice.
Ali : Do you not think that in mixed schools, all the boyz will spend all their time chasing muff, and all the girls spend all their time preparing their muff?
Ali : Well me, me got an A+ in punani but me fail me exams coz me spend all me time chasing the kitty.
RB : Well that's your fault.
RB : I think, overall, single sex schools perform better than mixed ones.
Ali : But do you not think that single sex girls schools breed, well, people who drink from the furry cup?
RB : Well never having drunk from the furry cup one doesn't know what liquor is kept in it.
Ali : Well you know them girls who drink from the furry cup, also eat from the bushy plate. You know what I is getting at?
Ali : Do you think sex education should be taught in schools?
RB : No, it should be taught within the family.
Ali : Do you think that porn stars should teach the kids?
RB : No.
Ali : Why not?
RB : I do not respect them.
Ali : But they has had more experience than anyone, man. Someone who has had a four header will no how to cope with any situation.
Ali : Well you have shown that, Education should be spread throughout the nation, if we want to get into the space station. Wicked, reespect, booyaka-sha, big up.
The Bishop of Corsham...
Ali : Jesus. Does he really have a beard?
BC : Not necessarily.
Ali : Is he a man or a woman?
BC : He's neither a man nor woman.
Ali : Wot? you mean he's a ladyman?
Ali : But wot has god ever done?
BC : He made the world.
Ali : Wot? he made the world?
BC : Yes.
Ali : Did he?
BC : I can only tell you what I believe.
Ali : So you saying god made the world? And since then he's just chilled.
Ali : What about the Virgin Mary? Is she really a virgin?
BC : Yes.
Ali : Was she really?
BC : I believe she was. She found herself pregnant.
Ali : But me know girls who also find themselves pregnant. There muffa's say wotz been 'appening 'ere. They say "listen, you been mucking about? 'Ave you been drunk maybe? Don't lie to me."
Talking to James Whittaker about Princess Di...
Ali : Why was she nobbing that Pakistani?
JT : He wasn't a Pakistani he was an Egyptian.
Ali : A'ight...
JT : She fell in love with him and she had a summer romance.
Ali : Will Carr-mella ever be queen?
JT : Camilla.
Ali : A'ight Carr-mella.
JT : I think she will.
Ali : Do you think that a lot of the objection to Carr-mella is because she is so minging?
JT : So *what*?
Ali : So minging.
JT : What does minging mean?
Ali : Her face is very.. ugly. NO me didn't wanna say that.. she's RANK. She's rank.
JT : Most women in this country...
Ali : A'ight - are a bit dodgy.
JT : Well no, being compared to Diana who was a very beautiful...
Ali : She was tasty.
JT : Very tasty - so you put anybody up against Diana and it's a wee bit of a problem. She is also a very fit woman. She rides well -
Ali : She 'aint fit man!
JT : No this isn't Diana... I understand Prince Charles as well -
Ali : But she look like Rod Hull.
JT : *laughs*
Ali : She does man... What do you think about Fergie?
JT : I think she is a... decent person -
Ali : Did they not find pictures of her sucking someone's nob or something?
JT : No they wouldn't find pictures like that - you're referring to sucking someone's toes or having her toes sucked...
Ali : A'ight but they used the word toe.. they used the word toe...
JT : NO.. er watch it... naughty!
Women
Ali : Booyaka-sha. Check dis. Today we is talking about the women. I is with none other than Sue Leetch. She be none other than director of the centre for gender research and we is going to talking about ladies. Now, one in two people in the country is "a women", so we has got to know about this. Women. They is important aren't they?
SL : They indeed are, very important, as important as men.
Ali : Which is better? Man or Woman?
SL : Well equality is not about who is better.
Ali : But which one is better? But one must be just a little bit better.
SL : In what way?
Ali : Like, in the way that somfin is worse and somfin is better.
Ali : Do you think there will ever be a female Prime Minister?
SL : There has been one.
Ali : Who?
SL : Mrs. Thatcher.
Ali : Yeah but she wasn't a real Prime Minister. Do you think they'll ever let another one slip through?
Ali : Do you think that a women should be able to 'av any job?
SL : I think so yeah.
Ali : Yeah, but would you feel safe though if you knew a women was flying your plane?
SL : Would you feel safe then? Do you feel safe being driven by a women?
Ali : Nope. Would you not be scared though that she might start nattering or what ever or start finking about fings and then forget to fly the plane, and get angry with somebody?
Ali : A lot of boys me know are trying to get their girlfriend to try a bit of feminism, do you think that is right?
SL : Yeah I do actually I think it's a good thing.
Ali : Do you think all girls should try feminism at least once? Do you think it's right that they should try it when they is drunk at a party or what ever with one of their mates?
SL : What is trying feminism?
Ali : You know try a bit of feminism and when they is sober wake up in the morning and get back with their boyfriend?
SL : What do you mean?
Ali : When they kiss a women.
Ali : Me uncle Jamal say that he is tri-sexual. That he will try anything that is sexual. What does that mean?
SL : There are a lot of people who would like to have sexual relationships with men and women.
Ali : So you think that he is saying that he is having it with blokes?
SL : Yes.
Ali : Ayyy?
SL : It would suggest that or that he is interested in it, but maybe not done it. It depends what done it means.
Ali : So you fink my uncle Jamal is a botty boy?
SL : I don't think he is a botty boy but...
Ali : So you think that he just like it in both pipes?
SL : Not necessarily.
Ali : So you think that it is a joke? Coz he is a joker. Coz if you call him that to his face he'd probably kill ya
(I believe this to be a spoof.)
G: Bo! I is ere wiv none ovver dan me main bitch outta da Spice Girls, Victoria Peckham. Wicked.
G: So Vic, is you really as posh as you say you is? Cos me mate Dave says e knew you when you was at school, an e said you was rougher dan im.
V: Actually, Posh is just my nickname. I'm just your average Essex girl really.
G: But you is a member of da Royal family though. You live in dat Buckingham House, innit?
V: No, I live in a mansion called Beckingham Palace. It's just a joke really. We have a flag on the roof and everything.
G: Fer real. And dat is in Peckham, next door to Del Boy and Rodney?
V: No.
G: Aiiih! So, is you and David well rich? Cos I erd you as like 50 million squid each.
V: That's not true. We are quite wealthy, but we don't have that much money. I wish.
G: You used to be well fit, but lately, if you don't mind me Sayin, you is gettin skinny like one a dem funny stick-inseck fings. Is you really arachnophobic?
V: Don't you mean anorexic?
G: Aiiih, dat as well.
V: No, I'm not anorexic, and I'd like everyone to stop worrying about me. Since I had Brooklyn, my metabolism has changed. I actually eat like a horse.
G: Wicked. What about dat Sporty Spice. She is well mingin.
V: That's not nice. Actually, Melanie is a very nice looking girl.
G: You is got to be jokin'. She looks like a man, an a rough one at dat. I erd she was a muff muncher. Is dat true?
V: You'd have to ask her.
G: I is tryin to get me Julie to drink from the furry fountain, but she sez she ain't interested. As you slept wiv Sporty? Like when you was on tour an you was a bit tipsy, an one fing led to anovver.
V: No, never. I'm straight.
G: Respec. Why is your baby got such a stupid name. Dat is not fair on da kid is it? Everyone is gonna fink e is a batty boy at school.
V: We named him after the place where he was conceived. Hence, Brooklyn.
G: Aiiih. Me mate Nigel did da same wiv is kid. He was bangin is missus in da swimming pool at da John Nike Leisure Centre. So e called is daughter John. She is gonna get a lot of stick at school for dat too.
V: I can imagine.
G: Does Geri really av a ginger minge. Cos me mate Dave said he banged her in a bus shelter In Churtsey an e said she ad a black bush. Is dat true?
V: I've never seen Geri's pubic hair, so I wouldn't know about that.
G: Come off it. Everyone as seen er muff. She was a big porn star before da Spice Girls. There's pictures on da Internet an everyfing.
V: She did some nude modelling before but she was never a porn star. I've never even seen the Pictures.
G: I can give you da website address if you is interested.
V: No thanks.
G: I erd she slept wiv Chris Evans. Urghh! Two ginger cunts in da same bed. Dat is disgusting. Have you ever sucked on da carrot?
V: I've never given Chris Evans a blow-job, if that's what you mean.
G: No, I meant have you ever sucked on a carrot. I wasn't even finking about dat. You is a filfy girl. Urghh!
V: Sorry, I thought...
G: So, is David as good in bed as e is on da cricket pitch?
V: He's actually a footballer. And I'm not telling you what he is like in bed. That's private.
G: Fer real. I erd e wears a g-string. Is dat true?
V: Might be.
G: Wicked. Me Julie wanted me to wear a g-string, but I said no. I wouldn't even wear one if it was made by Tommy Hilfiger. I ain't no batty boy.
V: Well David's not gay, if that's what you're implying.
G: Aiiih. I read in da paper dat Scary Spice was snoggin dat black geezer Goldie an her tongue stud got caught on is gold teef cos they was magnetic. But i fink they made dat up cos gold ain't magnetic. It ain't even metal.
V: You shouldn't believe everything you read in the papers.
G: Fer real. Finally, is you gonna be releasing a solo single like all da other Spice bitches.
V: Yes, my album will be out later in the year. I'm very excited about it.It's great!
G: I ain't trying to be rude or nuffin, but I is never erd you sing yet. There is a rumour dat you sound like a donkey wiv a sore throat an a traffic cone up it's ass. Is dat true?
V: I'm not brilliant, but I sound a lot better than Geri that's for sure. Sorry, I didn't mean that Geri.
G: Wicked. Fank you Victoria Peckham. An me mate Dave was right, you is a bit rough. Respec. Next week, I is interviewing Baby Spice an finding out if she is really only 3 years old. Me hope not, cos I fancies er an I ain't no Gary Glitter. Booyakasha!
(I believe this to be a spoof.)
Selecta!! I is ere wiv none uver dan da Queenie Mum of pop muzic, Madonna. Check it!!
Ali: So Madge, is you really preggers or as you just got a spare tyre up your jumper?
Madonna: No, I am five months pregnant, Ali.
Ali: Wicked. So you ain't bin frough da menaplaws yet den?
M: No, I thought I'd better have another baby before my time ran out, so to speak.
Ali: Aiiih, fer real. An who is da dad? Does you even know who da dad is?
M: Of course I know who the father is. It's my boyfriend, Guy.
Ali: An is e related to dat geezer who make all da fireworks for bonfire night?
M: No, he's a film director. He directed 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels'.
Ali: Wow, dat is a wicked film. Did you know dat Vinnie Jones once grabbed Gazza's balls an squeezed em till Gazza started cryin. Dat was bad, man. Respec to Vinnie, but if e did dat to me I'd knock im spark out wiv da one inch punch.
M: I've met Vinnie and he is a very nice guy actually.
Ali: Whatever. Anyways, you is known as da Immaterial Girl. Is dat cos your talent is immaterial compared to your ability to get your kit off?
M: Actually Ali, I am sometimes referred to as the Material Girl.
Ali: But dat is a bit stupid, innit? Every time I sees you, you ain't even wearing any material. You is usually stark bollock naked, if you ekscuse me french.
M: That's not true. I did write a book called 'SEX' a while ago and I appeared nude in several photos, but that was more artistic than pornographic.
Ali: Aiiih, me mate Dave borrowed me dat book an you was showing your punnani on nearly every page. Well, all da pages dat were stuck togever after me mate Dave kept spillin is coffee on dem. Well, dat is what e told me, but I fink e was usin it to crack one off, if you know what I mean?
M: I think I know what you mean Ali. Boys will be boys.
Ali: Fer real, an you don't mind im crackin one off all over you?
M: No, not at all. I'm quite flattered actually.
Ali: You wouldn't be sayin dat if you saw Dave. E is mingin. Anyway, in one a dem pictures you is gettin it from behind by dat Vanilla Ice. Me mate Dave reckoned you was takin it up da ass, but me Julie says dat you is too classy for dat.
M: I wasn't taking it in either orifice.
Ali: Why's dat? Couldn't da Ice Ice Baby get it up? Cos I erd e is a batty boy.
M: No, it was just a photograph. Nothing was going on. It was a book about fantasies, that's all.
Ali: Aiiih. But as you ever takin it up da Gary Glitter? Or is dat a personal question?
M: I have had all kinds of sex in my time, Ali. I've tried everything, including anal sex.
Ali: Wicked. Now me Julie ain't got no excuses. Next time she says no, I'll tell er if it's good enuff for Madonna, it's good enuff for a bitch from East Staines.
M: You shouldn't force someone into doing it Ali.
Ali: No, me just slide it in an pretend it was an accident.
M: No, Ali.
Ali: Anyway, what about dat Naomi Campbell? Did you really av a lez up wiv er while Big Daddy Kane was watchin? Cos dat is eksactly da fing I wants me Julie to do. She can get jiggy wiv one of er mates from da airdressers, maybe Becky or dat Sally bitch, an all I is askin is to watch. Den maybe join in when dey is gaggin for a cock.
M: I've heard that is a fantasy for most men. That is why I put it in the book.
Ali: Fer real. So I ain't a pervert den, like me Julie keeps tellin me.
M: No, not at all.
Ali: Fer real. I is in for a treat tonight. A freesome, an up da batty for Julie when me gets home.
M: Only if she wants to Ali.
Ali: Whatever. Was you really a virgin when you sang dat 'Like A Virgin'?
M: No. It wasn't literally about being a virgin. It was a metaphor for how someone can make you feel when they touch you.
Ali: On da punnani?
M: No, anywhere.
Ali: Me know what you is sayin. Me Julie said she was a virgin da first time I shagged er in da changin rooms of da John Nike Leisure Centre. But den I shagged er again a few momphs later after da all-night drum'n'bass party an she told me she was a virgin den too. I fink she was lyin da second time.
M: I think she might have been lying the first time as well.
Ali: Is you sayin me Julie as been wiv someone else?
M: Maybe.
Ali: Dat is it. I is dumpin er. I ain't goin wiv no slapper. Anyway, I erd dat is you knockin on fifty. Ain't you fought about retirin? Surely you as got enuff squid in da bank.
M: Actually, I'm only in my early forties. And I will never retire, even after I have my second child. I love work too much.
Ali: Den you is mad. If I ad as much squid as you I'd just sit back an chill wiv da biggest spliff in da world an listen to speed garage all day. Now I know why you is called MADonna, cos you is MAD. Anyway, fank you Madonna
M: Why, thank you Ali. And would you like to be in my new video?
Ali: Aiiih, wicked. As long as dere ain't no batty boys in it like dat Rupert Everest. Dis time you can bounce on a real man's lap, if you know what I is sayin. Respec. So, to all you bitches out dere. If your boyfriend aks you to take it up da ass or av a freesome e is not a pervert. Me main girl Madonna ere says it's cool. West side!
A sweet young thing thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him when was the last time he had had sex.
"1956," was his immediate reply.
"No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Honey, you need to get out more."
"I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch. "It's only 2014 now."
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is kind of surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and make love.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The bloke says, "You can have any prize from the bottom shelf."
Dixon, IL- Police arrested Jon Terrence McCarter, a 27 year old white male, resident of Dixon, IL, in the Sanderson Pumpkin patch at 11:38pm Friday.
McCarter will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County courthouse Monday. The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview from the County courthouse jail. McCarter went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need". "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, McCarter apparently failed to notice the Dixon Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said officer Taylor. "I walked up to (McCarter) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached McCarter. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real surprised as you'd expect and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn... is it midnight already?"
Taylor arrested him but said that the suspect accepted his predicament in good humor.
"I have to give him credit... that was a quick comeback" Taylor said of the man's comment.