More Light BulbsA Woman Goes To The DoctorLittle Red Riding HoodFancy a Duck?Long MemoriesGoing ProGirls Bath-TimeBig OneAss ConsBreast Icons
More Light Bulbs
A Woman Goes To The Doctor
Little Red Riding Hood
Fancy a Duck?
Long Memories
Going Pro
Girls Bath-Time
Big One
Ass Cons
Breast Icons
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Next Page
Big Joke List
Q. How many hampsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Only two, but the've got to be in the mood.
A woman goes to the doctor complaining of a problem with her "front passage". After examining her, the doctors says "You've got an infected aviary".
"Don't you mean an infected ovary?", replies the woman.
"Nope", says the doctor, "There's been a cockatoo up there"
Little Red Riding Hood was walking to her Grandmother's in the woods, she was walking along and came to a clearing in the forest. Then she spotted a bush, it had a quivering tail sticking out of it, two grey ears and it was moving, she walked up to it and said:-
"I can see you Mr. Wolf"
The wolf bolted out of the bush and into the forest. She went on walking and in a while came to another clearing. She saw a bush, again, a quivering tail tail and ears, she walked up to it and said:-
"I can see you Mr. Wolf"
The wolf bolted into the forest again. A little way further on, another bush, another tail, she went up and said:-
"I can see you Mr. Wolf"
The Wolf stayed and said:-
"Are you going to Grandma's Little Red Riding Hood ?"
"Yes"
"Well why don't you just fuck off there and leave me in peace to have a shit ?"
Duck: Please send up a condom.
Room Service: Certainly sir, do you want it put on your bill?
Duck: I'm not a pervert you know !
See that there pit over there. I worked down there for 10 years, shovelled tons of coal, worked me finger to the bone. But do they call me "Jones the Miner". Do they hell. Nobody remembers it.
See that steel mill over there. I worked there for the next 10 years, sweating over the hot steel. But do they call me "Jones the Steel Man". Do they hell. Nobody remembers it.
See that railway track. For the next 10 years I worked there, day and night. But do they call me "Jones the Railwayman". Do they hell. Nobody remembers it. But you just shag *one* sheep ....
A man gets home and finds his wife has left him. On the mantlepiece is a note scrawled. "gone to Kings Cross," it reads, "there are men there that will pay me 100 quid to give them what I give you for nothing."
The next day he meets her at the station with his bags packed.
"What the hell are you doing here," she askes.
"I just had to come to see how you're going to live off 200 pounds a year" he replies.
A little girl is sitting in the bath with her mother.
"What's that?" says the little girl, pointing between her mothers legs.
"Oh, er, that's where daddy hit me with an axe..." said the mother.
"That's a good shot mummy, right in the c**t!"
A white guy is standing at a urinal in a bar, taking a leak. A black man walks up to the urinal beside him, and unzips. The white guy catches a glimpse and gasps. Having been caught, he says, "My God, you've got a big c*ck".
The black guy decides to have a little fun with him, saying, "We all do -- didn't you know that?"
"Well, I'd heard that, but I didn't think it was true."
"Sure, it's true. The thing is, though, we're born with small ones. Back in Africa, you see, they tie a piece of string to our c*cks when we're kids, and attach a cocoanut to the other end. Over the course of a couple of months, it gets stretched out."
"Really?"
"Sure. As I said, it's mostly done on young boys, but it'll work on adults too, I'm told."
Well, the white guy is so excited that he ends his evening right there, dashing out of the bar.
A couple of weeks later, they bump into each other at the same bar. The white guy says, "Hey, I took your advice."
"Really?" says the black guy, trying to stifle a chuckle.
"Yeah. It's only been two weeks, but I think it's starting to work."
"How so?"
"Well, it's turned black..."
We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons", where
:) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :-) and
:-( respectively. Well, how about some "ass cons"? Here goes:
..oo*"""**oo.oo*""*oo..
. oo*" "*o.o*" "*o.
. o" 'o" "o
o o *o
.o o 'o
o o o.
o o o.
o o o
o \o/ o
o --0-- o
o. /o\ o
o o o
o o o
o o oo
oo o oo
oo. oo oo
'ooo. .oo. ooo
"o ""oo,, ,,oO-'Oo, ,,,,,oo"o
o. """""" oo """"" .o
'o oo o'
*o oo o
'o o o
o o o
o o o
o o o
o o o
o o o
o o o
You have been e-mooned!
An accompaniment to the usual smileys....